The Little Things

I'm a big picture person. I'm a scavenger for meaning and I'm usually annoyed with details that don't seem to matter. This transfers to almost every area of my life--my career choice, what I do with free time, and even conversations with friends. This is a good thing, I think. However, there have been recent occurrences that deem it a weakness.

I'm too serious.  Sometimes I'm all business and I don't have time for nonsensical conversation because I'm hungry, I have to grade essays, and I might be late to my morning line of classes. I don't have time to laugh about a stupid YouTube video. I even think, "Why am I wasting my time standing here with my friends?" I can be a total jerk.

This is something that I'm starting to really hate about myself. For example, I go to a morning prayer meeting and in the beginning, people share their prayer requests:

"I have a test today and I didn't really study for it that much, but I just hope that I'll do good on it. And I'm really stressed out. Pray that my brain doesn't explode."

"Pray for so-and-so because blah, blah, blah and also blah blah blah, I just blah blah blah and I'm really feeling blah blah blah about it. I blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."

My usual thoughts are as such: "I don't care about your blah blah blah. I care about abandoned children in impoverished nations and families in America. I care about sex slaves around the world. So you say that blah blah blah frustrates you? You know what's frustrating? Two-stinkin'-thirds of the world has never heard the Gospel and thousands of people die every day without having heard the name Jesus. THAT'S what's frustrating."

I'm a jerk. I just don't care that much about people unless they're dying of cholera or their husband was beaten to death because he's a Christian in a restricted country. You're nervous about a presentation? I don't have time to pray for you. Sorry. I don't express my thoughts, but I still have them.

Pretty jerkish.

But, for some reason yesterday, the little things really got to me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
*this part of the blog seems like a long rant, but I promise I have a point. You don't have to read everything. Just skim it. My thoughts are italicized.

Little thing #1

I took a biking class and walked in late. The only bike left was the one with the rocky seat and the squeaky pedals. Not a great start.

Why don't they get this thing fixed? I hate sitting down on this thing and I feel like everyone in the room is staring at me because I keep squeaking.

Little thing #2

The instructor listened to what I call "really cheesy, pop music."
I really hate "really cheesy, pop music."
I was kind of surprised by it because the instructor is older and is a teacher at my university. When a good song started to play (a song that I love and listen to a lot), she changed it to a stupid, dirty, nasty song.

It's our party we can do what we want (no drama)
It's our party we can say what we want (Mike will made)
It's our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can sing what we want  .......

To my home girls here with the big butt
Shaking it like we at a strip club
Remember only God can judge ya
Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya
And everyone in line in the bathroom
Trying to get a line in the bathroom
We all so turned up here
Getting turned up, yeah, yeah

Are you stinkin' kidding me? Do you not know how inappropriate this song is? You think the words are funny? Do you have a conscience? 

Little Thing #3

There were two girls that decided to leave the class half-way through. I had the idea that I'd get on one of their good bikes so I wouldn't have to sit on the really uncomfortable seat/squeaky pedal bike. I was waiting for them to leave so I could switch, but it seemed like an eternity before they were actually ready to leave their station. They got off. They did, I don't know, 29 different stretches. They casually chatted with each other. Then, just as I thought they were leaving the room, they go for the cleaning wipes.

Oh, come on! I need your bike! Hurry up and wipe it off before I go insane. 


Little Thing #4

After my biking class, I decided to go for a bike ride on campus (I just can't get enough biking in my life). A bike ride usually helps me to cool down. It also helps to me think--sometimes too much. I pass several people walking on campus and start to have frustrating thoughts.

I really hope they're saved. They probably are, but maybe they're not really following Jesus. How is it possible to reach them? They probably don't like my campus ministry and don't want to come get right with God. 

Little Thing #5

My wrist started to hurt. I put a lot of pressure on it during the cycling class. I let it hang down and held the handle bars with one hand. I began to think about how it seems like everyone forgets about the problem I've had with my wrist for the past five years.

How come at morning prayer, people are so faithful to pray for so-and-so to be healed every single day but rarely pray for me? When I mention my wrist as a prayer request, people are like, "What's wrong with your wrist? I didn't know you had a problem with it"..... "Oh, nothing. It's just that it's been swollen and immovable for five years." 

These frustrated thoughts lead to a frustrated, out loud statement: "WHY DOES EVERY ONE FORGET ABOUT MY WRIST?!

Little Thing 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 =  BIG THING

The very second I said that out loud, I forcefully put on my brakes as I was biking fairly fast. My body flung over the handle bars and collided with the sidewalk. My bike flipped and landed on my back.

I immediately started to cry. I cried hard. Just like a little girl would cry if she fell off her bike. One moment my wrist was hurting and just a second later, most of my body was in tremendous pain. The skin on my knee and my elbow was screaming. The pain in my upper legs kept me from twisting around to lift the bike from my body. Thankfully, no bones were broken, but I was a wreck--literally and figuratively. A minute later, I finally got up and set my bike on two wheels.

I rejected help from a concerned by-passer. I just wanted to be alone to shake it off.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No it's not that time of the month in case you were wondering.
I think I'm just having mind wars and I'm on high defense and I'm mentally tired.

This stage of my life is really different in a lot of positive ways, but I'm finding out who I am--what I really like about myself and what I really hate about myself. I'm also finding out more about who Jesus is.

What I know for sure now is that Jesus is into the little things as well as the big picture.

He knew what verse I needed to read from the Bible after that whole line of little things:
"So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you." 1 Peter 4:19

He knew that I needed my roommate to buy me ice cream, rubbing alcohol, and band aids.

He knew that I needed people in my life to understand that I need alone time.

He knows that I need some peace because of my occasional high-reactive behavior.

He also knows that my parents needed $1,200 given by a small, random Christian community to relieve the restlessness in their lives.

He is so good. He cares about the little things so that the big picture can be made right.


I want to care about the little things, too. The quality of my relationships depends on it.